PoemsAsPetition

third? week of school and this schedule is driving me into the ground.

18 credits + tutoring every other day, whereby i have to drive from north bb downs to bayshore and back + work Mon, Tues and Thurs nights till 10 + Princeton Review training, walking the dog, laundry, massive amounts of reading, daily hygiene, cats, massive amounts of reading, graduation preparation, massive amounts of reading, and trying to fit in random court hearings for my internship. this is ridiculous. i get about five hours of sleep every night and weekends are tutoring all day/catch-up time.

s.o.s. my writing has blunderingly fallen by the...oh, you know.

gah. will be pulling an all-nighter tonight as i have a Brit Lit midterm tomorrow morning and have to work from 6-10. just finished picking my student up from school (the ultimate form of birth control is sitting in a line waiting for high school students and listening to bits and pieces of high school conversations, then hearing about said 16-year-old's relationship with her boyfriend)...oh my gosh. The cat's name is Hadley, thanks to Matthew Pleasant and Ernest Hemingway both. She is in heat right now and that's something to see.

I wish I could just pack up my stuff and stay in Mt. Dora for a month. I'm trying to build my credit...slowly. Money sucks. So do midterms.

the time is post-test-time. grammar, that is. cunningham steps up to the plate and knocks it out of the field. the visitor's team is left shaken. oh yeah.

bout to go eat some crepes. mmm.

life is good. searchin' for fred's b-day present, as it is on sunday and i am trekking once again back home for it. helping katy move on saturday. joyousness. (love you, k. hate moving, though. would move shit to nairobi and back for you).

John Lennon really helps to nullify the bad - "Working Class Hero," "Watching the Wheels," "Stand by Me," etc. such good songs...

Working on the poetry. Talked to Bran and he said he'd make a video montage of my work, if I send him some to work with. So that's cool. I'm kind of irked I missed Billy Collins last night - not because of Collins, just the free food and general freeness and social blither and dither.

Memories come out of the strangest places: a crease in the sheets, my air vent, panels of light at six in the afternoon. Notes strung on a whim by a player who may never have known they would cater to upholding this perception, still changing the tune. Suppose that without which we would never be or have been. Suffice it to say I am okay (almost happy) to be again at the mercy of Fortuna's wheel - (yes, all ye "Dunces" readers, blame me for my Kennedy O'Toole theft).

On the 19th Christopher will have been flying for a year now. I'm trying to think of something meaningful.

i'm obviously either
a). bored
b). willing to be momentarily superficially entertained (see above)
or,
c). in a new "phase" in life, as the cliche is wont to say

probably,
d). all of the above excluding a,b,and/or c

let's see. things are well. strangely well. coming to terms with the fact that no matter how much i may want to, or believe it to be so, i cannot change other beings. accept it or move on, they say. they're keen, with their rapier wit.

weekend: scrabble matches, "art" festival, crazy aunt, hardwood floors, creating THE puzzle by which i have satisfactorily unlocked the many pieces to the many people. and accepted.

I walk -- with the gratefulness that creativity and spontanaiety have not been quelched but instead thrive. Do I scare some by seeing things in them they may not want me to/may not want to face? Yes. Resoundingly. I am not sorry for it. I am sorry for them, and my quick tongue/actions. I am sorry my backup manuever has long been theatrics when the air begins to stale. It has been my way of refreshing, of feeling that life does indeed mean to live. I have a better understanding of what it means to be a dissecter, to want to tidy the world by tidying my persona.

perhaps i delve too much into wanting to understand why. WHY do i think/feel this way? WHY do others think/feel this way? Westernize it. Call it brooding. I am finally placid. I have reached an understanding with myself.

Giddy Up, Helicopter! played well on Saturday.

thanks k. love you.


"and if you're being photographed, ALWAYS stand on the right. that way, when it's published, you'll be on the left, and the caption will read: Katherine Curtis and blah blah blah were seen...."

i am in love muwahahahahahahahhaha and a little "tipsy" and katy curtis is here with me and i hate school but it is okay because that is the apex of my social life and i like soft kiities

i feel like i'm dying. hope this isn't walking pneumonia. head is 50-lb lead balloon. two finals tomorrow. one on thursday. met a guy. took katy and ellen to the airport today. not much else. am hoping to breathe soon.

i am soaked. mmmm. let's see. have a ten page paper due tomorrow...i have no will to write it. i hate papers. but it must be done. i met jerry frickin springer last night...he bought a bottled water. woot. the only person i spend significant amounts of time with anymore is ms. curtis; everyone else has either dropped off of the Earth/conflicting schedules/boring/psycho. Especially psycho.

Spent about a half an hour tonight talking with my Anthropology teacher, Jodi. She's setting up a women's group that I'm interested in...I'm taking her Human Sexuality and Behavior class this summer.

other than that

-and how did you find the land upon arriving, madam?
-ah, it was very entwigged, sir.

entwigged: 10 or more twigs within a 5 inch location.

i'm putting that one in the OED. Let's see. Had dinner with my mom on Friday which was a blast - we went shopping and my mom said that the hallway in the hotel smelled like "brussels sprouts," whereupon I quickly informed her that the smell was a v. different herb altogether. Working. Lots of finals/papers either here or soon arriving. Final tonight in Bio Lab. Got some sweet orange sunglasses. I can put my hair into two little pigtails- v. exciting for me. This guy in class told me I "had all the clues," whatever that means.

I've eaten two steaks this weekend! yessss
Looking forward to some sweet Florida sun.
Dancing with Katy at the Castle is the most fun a girl can have.

and i mean good. got a final in an hour and a half, judging by the midterm (on which I set the gd curve!) it should be fine. i think i'm gonna go swimming tonight after class. i am wearing my bathing suit right now...

last night at Borders I got this guy's number - he is a Tai Chi/self defense/meditation instructor and v. cool. He said he'd give me lessons for only ten bucks an hour. Beyond that, living the life, trying to save money, actually exercising, writing a lot, etc. making sweet playlists, killing brauntosaurii, planning trips for this summer and watching in dismay as the apt. becomes more and more disgusting. hopefully jason will get those girls to clean it for free...

school is out in 3 weeks. yesssss.

my mom is coming down this weekend for her festival in st. pete. that will be nice.

ebby is far too intelligent for her own good.

my phone is ringing.......................

think about what words went through Emily's head when she went to sleep? I do. Poor Dickinson, poor chickie.

Just took a Biology test which was very (re: very) hard, and subsequently every one that got out proceeded to moan and all that dross. But we shall see. Read the chapters, so...

I set the curve on my Anthropology exam. That's good.

I work tomorrow night, and have to finish House of Mirth for class tomorrow. I hate to say it, but I'm actually enjoying Wharton's "faulker-style droning, too much description, post-modern feminist dribble." I can relate :)

where do angels go when you flee them?
there is a faded flower pattern on the rug
and spots,
and stains.

On the psuedo faces
of humans
or
nonhumans.

perhaps loneliness in the bearing
of everyone else's pain

perhaps we'll all wake up with
regrets -
of not being time's
conservationist.

but me and this pink ring
say stop to ticks
and hands of clocks everywhere.

-And when I say I want to be with you,
I don't mean to make it sound like a box.
I mean to make it sound like the universe.
-Ah, but the universe is a box.
-No, I mean the vastness. The new world. America.
-Ah, but America is a box.
-No, I mean America. My little-boyhood.


there is are matches enough to burn Rome.
there is biology
there is compulsion
there is obsession
there is frugality and-

the point where walking solo
feels like company.

there are skinny dogs
outside apartment doors
there are words aplenty
but what do words matter?
on your feet, sad, sullen,
marked
speaking to an audience of whores.

So I caved in and got a LiveJournal account. Sue me, bitches. Today was good, rainy Chelsea weather. Spent the day with Josh - got to wake up at 3:30 to him coming in and fell asleep for a while an hour ago to wake up realizing he'd gone home. Got a new tattoo yesterday - Dum Spiro Spero (While I breathe, I hope) on my right forearm. Didn't hurt, as me flipping through the Dali book chatting away would tell.

Went thrifting for a while. Went with Josh and Cassie to Porneoke, where J. and I stayed approximately 45 minutes after a slightly humiliating rendition by me Cass and Jackie of Vogue. No carding for drinks, though.

Have an interview at the Tampa Theater tomorrow, thanks to a certain Ms. Curtis. Finally, a job!

What else is to say? Tyler is still in the hospital, Neely is dead thanks to his incompetence, and Josh had to pick her up and deal with that today. It's been a lot of huge drama lately, around me, not in me. With Chris's death, calling 911 twice in one day, the rabbit, lack of money, other situations...I'm going to be glad when school starts up again. Never thought I'd hear myself say that...

Beyond that, it's been a lot of drinking and writing. Writing and drinking. Writing everywhere and anywhere with nowhere and somewhere in mind. There is a thin line between genius and absurdity which I have been teetering upon for a good month. I'm leaning toward genius - just wait till you see this manuscript.